College Couch Potato to Post-College Professional
To Empower Your Young Adult to Land Their First Job, Think Like a Coach!
With over 1.9 million young people set to graduate from college this year but only 25% of seniors reporting they have accepted full-time jobs, it’s no surprise that I get anxious calls from parents who are paralyzed with helplessness, not knowing how to help their young adult land the job of their dreams—or any job for that matter!
Parents’ anecdotes all seem to have common themes: “He spent spring break inert on the couch”, “She seems to have no direction”, or even more maddeningly, “They assure me they have a plan, but just won’t share it with me.” Those frustrated parents then come to me for help, asking what they should do and “as a coach, how would you handle this?”
As a parent myself, I empathize! Graduating from college, transitioning from student to independent adult, is a moment that is fraught and complex on many levels.
Many parents have re-adopted the “free-range” approach to parenting and know they’re supposed to “ask and listen,” not “tell and sell.” But that often doesn’t come naturally, because deep down, they’ve already made up their minds about what the right way forward looks like.
I always suggest that parents drop that preconceived idea about the one “right way” if they want to encourage an atmosphere of trust & support rather than an interrogator and hostage! I explain that the function of a coach is to guide, support, encourage and empower the client to solve their own problems—and to give them the tools and resources to find their own solutions.
If you’d like to begin helping your young adult find their own solutions, I’ve outlined some important tools and resources below, based on my own process, for coaching your aspiring professional, and, importantly, creating a model for independent achievement:
1. Meet one-on-one regularly, with suggested, (vs graded!) “creative assignments” between meetings.
If possible, set regular times to connect that are positive, and affirmative where you listen rather than preach, wherever and however works for them. This is the only way you are going to be able to assess where your “client” is in their search process. If there is resistance to regular and formal meetings, note what looks regular to you and follow up more informally. The work they do between meetings will reflect where your client is at, so think like a diagnostician:
Are they uncertain about their path and purpose in life and overwhelmed by the idea of how to get started? (See probing questions below or point #3 re assessments.)
Do they have some idea of what they think they would like to do next, but the thought of goal setting and the job search is keeping them stuck? Helping them think about this as a process (one step at a time!) can help take the edge off getting to the top of the mountain. Focus on the first step (i.e. gathering job descriptions, developing a mini networking list) to shrink the mountain. (Check out the Spearmint site for actionable tips on goal setting, target job descriptions and deployment tactics.)
Are they uncertain about the competitiveness of their resume, LinkedIn profile, cover letter, etc? There is an endless array of resources for most soon-to-be grads: their career service center is a first MUST go to. Many offer excellent assistance for resume writing and LinkedIn profiles and have extensive templates for cover letters and follow up. There are countless reputable resources online as well and – of course - on the Spearmint site. I also always suggest leaning on mentors - and peers who have successfully launched! - for input and suggestions. Second tip: I find some clients get paralyzed as they strive for perfect vs very good. As important as it is to have online tools that will get them found by an employer, some of this will be a work in process: they have to start applying before they iterate. Here is where your reassurance can go a long way - everyone gets rejections, and many applications will never get a reply. Most importantly and primarily, it’s important to first get to the root of what’s holding them back from updating or sending through an open dialogue.
Are they unsure how to leverage their network or to uncover a new strategic network? Many young clients are amazed to discover they already have a network! Aside from the obvious (previous employers), think about professors (many are very well connected professionally,) a selective alumni list in their area of interest, peers and mentors from service or fraternal organizations, connections from sports teams, etc. Bear in mind the goal here is generating conversations. Someone they know may be able to introduce them to one of their contacts who is in a hiring seat or can make a warm intro somewhere interesting. Please note: you may find that your “client” is very reluctant to tap into the most obvious contact list: family or friends of family. I would need another 800 words to describe this phenomenon, but the bottom line is that, as they develop more confidence around their goal and their ability to communicate it, plus your reassurance that it’s a smart way to go (and yes everyone else does it!) they may loosen up and accept your help.
Are they unsure how to communicate their professional value proposition aka the answer to the ubiquitous prompt “tell me about yourself”? I have found nothing scares my clients more: they haven’t thought about it and are largely unaware of how to express their strengths and skills with clarity and confidence in a meaningful way to someone trying to get to know them. Here is where a parent can really add value: you know your “client” best. Now that you have some idea of where they may want to go in their professional journey, think about what attributes (reliable, organized, team player, great with data, tech savvy, etc.) relate to the role they are looking for? What successes have you cheered on the sidelines (or in the trenches): senior thesis, sports team captain, internship programs - and how can these experiences help with their narrative? I particularly enjoy the work I do with clients in this area and have created some very effective preparation tools: check out the Spearmint site for my writing prompt and Narrative creation tool!
2. Ask open-ended questions. Questions like “what’s your thinking here?”, “how have you been approaching this process?”, “what has been helpful - what, not so much?” are particularly effective. Ask how you can help vs demanding a blow by blow of what they have done. By listening actively and reflectively, I guide clients toward solving their own problems. Even if they haven’t had a lightning bolt moment about where they want to land, they almost always know what internship or class they loved, why and what they were doing at the time (i.e. coding vs. writing vs. working with teams) and what their interests are. Starting a conversation from a place of curiosity and acceptance strips away a bit of the fear that’s probably keeping them quiet, and instead, shows them that they do indeed have unique focuses and experiences.
3. Use interest assessments – such as Clifton Strengths or Keirsey - to determine behaviors and traits that are dominant (or may be lacking) to better understand work habits and motivations. Overwhelmingly, my clients have shared that these evidence-based assessments offer tremendous impartial insight as well as robust self-descriptive language (e.g. “I am a strategic ideator who maximizes data to understand business patterns”) to help fast track goal setting. These can give clients language that helps them become more comfortable in sharing who they are and many are available without a certified practitioner, including Clifton Strengths, which I love! I am always fascinated by these results, and it will help if you are too!
4. Set step by step, specific, and time related goals to make the larger goal - of landing a job - less overwhelming - while reassuring them that you are here to help them overcome obstacles. This is something I use in my Discover process where I am both chief cheerleader and accountability partner, encouraging them to dream big, create lots of ideas, then narrow them down to those very few – up to three - that seem to have potential. I ask them to make that choice considering what I call gravity issues - must haves - where their research shows there is opportunity and where a plausible case can be made that they are a good fit for a role. I suggest they have around 6 out of 8 minimum must-haves and most, if not all, of the nice-to-haves in the job descriptions.
5. Recommend leaning on learning resources, including personal networks, online classes, and the career service centers at their college. “Use your resources!” is a go-to refrain of mine. In doing so, clients are learning to identify and solve problems – such as “I need a new resume” or “I need a contact at Google” - and advocate for themselves. Whether it’s career services or self-guided learning (e.g. Excel, Microsoft Outlook, and Slack) I believe many clients don’t take advantage of resources at their disposal either because they fear others knowing what they don’t know, because it requires extra effort, or because they lack the surety that it will yield a result. It’s important to acknowledge that they – and you—won’t know what’s of value until they try it.
6. Encourage your client to step outside their comfort zone for greater advancement. This process can be challenging and acknowledging it can be very powerful. I often use the athletic paradigm: any athlete understands some pain is needed for some gain. The generalizations and misperceptions, such as that “everyone” has a job - thank you, social media! – can be disheartening but the average road from graduation to employment is actually 7 months. In fact, accepting that this process may require some time and some power lifting and encouraging a little discomfort can create a positive virtuous circle when it yields results - which it will – and make it that much easier to dive in when it’s time to seek a new role again.
Please note: It is the client that’s doing the work with my input and guidance, not the other way around! I use an abundance of optimism and encouragement. This is key! One of my strengths is optimism and it is highly contagious. If you believe in your client, they will believe you! And I am never judgmental (and you shouldn’t be either). If a client can make the case that they would like to work on a farm because they want to understand sustainability from the ground up and they can support themselves while doing so, for instance, I say “Bravo!”
While it seems counter-intuitive, the most unmotivated kids with the least direction tend to come from well-meaning, over-navigating parents who don’t trust their “potato” to get up successfully on their own. Based on my experience of what personal resources the average college grad has, some guidance and support is MORE than what they need in order to land a job and make a strong start on the road to independence, so let them navigate the process.
That said, the couch can grow too comfortable, though, so setting a clear understanding of what expectations are while they are looking is important too. Are they contributing to the household or keeping regular “office hours” while they search or spending less than 20 hours a week looking for a job? In other words, if you want to get them off the couch, don’t keep bringing them fresh pillows!
Full disclosure: the two toughest assignments I have had as a coach have been with my own two children. It’s far easier to be impartial with a client than it is with them. Fortunately, they have both landed steadily on their feet, for now, though I am sure professional challenges lay ahead. Regardless of these inevitable challenges, I am 100% sure of their ability to navigate whatever the future holds, on an increasingly solo basis.
This has always been my coaching goal—to make myself redundant so that clients repeat this process without me in the future, remembering what they have learned along the way—about their innate strengths and skills, short- and long-term goals, and the confidence to achieve them.
With optimism and faith, I am cheering them - and you - along from the sidelines!